They say if you have a fear of needles, IVF will either make you or break you. Well, as always, I don’t think it’s that simple. I think it broke me before it made me, but I got through it all the same. If you would have told me, 10 years ago, that I needed to inject myself 5 times a day, I would have laughed in your face. If you handed me the needles to do so, I probably would have punched you. No lie. I had to be restrained when I had my wisdom teeth pulled because the dental hygienist couldn’t keep me still long enough to put the IV in. I kept pushing her away… perhaps a little too violently for their liking… thus the restraints. So how do you go from shoving dental hygienists to stabbing yourself in the stomach with 5 different needles? IVF.
I was petrified at first. I kept having flashbacks to my the humungous needle that got shoved into my knee following my ligament being torn in half back in grade school. The pain was unbearable. So horrible in fact that I couldn’t wipe the feeling from my memory banks. So it became a pavlovian response for me: needles = excruciating pain. End of story. I don’t want to see the needle. I don’t want to see the flesh. I don’t want to see the medication. I don’t want to see the blood. Get it all out of my face. It’s such a joke considering how many trees I felt out of as a kid, being sideswiped by a van whilst riding my bike. The actual pain of injuries I have sustained is far greater than that of some tiny needles. No matter. They are scarier. I’d rather fall out of another tree.
So I started with a nurse having to administer my injections for me. I was such a wuss. I couldn’t even watch her do it. Seems laughable as a I sit here staring at 3 bags of syringes and my follistim pen needles spread out on the very same table I’m typing at. But I learned some good lessons from her. I learned to ice the area, swab my skin and all vials properly, pinch the skin around the injection site firmly, stab quickly and directly, inject smoothly, and withdraw the needle with the same fluid motion. I learned how important it is to apply pressure to the injection site afterwards. Intense bruising teaches you that lesson pretty darn fast. There’s all the little tidbits I picked up on as well. Flicking lightly to remove air bubbles. Pushing the syringe back and forth before filling with any medication to loosen. Prepping the needle so that just the tiniest bit of medication beads at the top. So when judgement day was upon me and it was up to me to self administer, somehow, I had retained all of this, probably out of sheer fear, and was able to use it to my own benefit. I prepped everything, cleaned everything and iced a far larger region than was necessary (better safe than sorry.) I watched a dozen or so YouTube videos. I was ready.
Here are my two biggest tips. This coming from a complete and utter needle-phob. I’m not counting icing because to me this is a no brainer. If needles freak you out and you don’t want to feel them going in. Ice, ice away. On to the real tips. Firstly, pinch the skin around the injection site hard. This way you are focusing more on that discomfort than any discomfort the needle will cause. Second, inject hard and fast. I don’t mean you need to hit yourself in the stomach with the vigor of a boxer, but if you push the needle in slowly, you are definitely going to feel it more. If you thrust it in quickly and inject quickly, it’s over and done with before you know it. Hopefully you won’t even notice as you will be concentrating so hard on your fingers pinching the area. I pinched so hard the first time I did my own injections that I bruised with fingernail marks. But hey, I didn’t even feel the needles going in. So this was a win in my book.
I’ve currently racked up over 68 days of giving myself shots. That’s over 230 injections. This is including inter-muscular injections for embryo transfer. But it’s not including the 30 or so blood draws and multiple IV lines put in for surgeries. All in all, I can comfortably say that I’ve squashed my phobia. I’m still not a looker. I don’t like the feeling when the nurse, every 2 days, draws my blood for my E2. It irks me just thinking about it. But I’ve got it handled. I’m comfortable and dare I say it, at ease when it’s happening.
3 rounds of IVF and 4 embryo transfers later, I’ve kicked my phobia in the butt. I guess there’s always a silver lining…
Your Bump My Heart 